My First Chinese Dump

This newsletter started four years ago
Took a funky idea and began to roll
By doing something that was never done
Inspiring people -- still having fun

I was telling people my travel stories
As the e-mails got forwarded across many countries
I had to be more "professional" as the subscribers grew
But now it's time to go back to the roots

I'm in China, living it up
So here's my blog, to fill up your cup.

The Plane Ride

It's not easy for most people to travel, but imagine someone who can't see. I don't know which carrousel my luggage is on, and asking people isn't so simple when you don't speak the language. Yes, there are signs in English, but those signs I can't see. Sometimes I'm waiting in a line-up in Customs for 30 minutes, only to find out that I'm in the wrong line-up and have to spend another 30 minutes in a different line. After visiting 11 countries, I thought I would have gotten used to it by now.

To top it off, my iPod crashes and I can't even listen to any songs. My mind wonders and goes back to those old days of depression. What keeps me going is knowing that last week I wrote an article about never giving up, so how could I give up now?

The Arrival

I love having hosts (Jimmy is my book agent in China, and his family is hosting me). I'm being treated like half-host-son and half-celebrity. It's cool and interesting at the same time. I've spent 30 hours in transit, and my host family wants to take me out to a restaurant. Well, OK, you can't complain about people being hospitable, right? We finally get to my hotel room, and they want to make sure the computer in my room is working, and they want to surf through the 85 television channels to help me find something in English to watch. All I want is sleep, but I can't really hurry them up now, can I?

The First Dump

As we grow up, I think we get familiar with the types of smells our own bodies produce. Everybody's smells are unique, and we all have several different kinds of smells we emanate. But there was something different about the first time I used the washroom in my hotel room in Changsha, China. Yup, you know you have totally embraced a culture when you start releasing a totally different odor.

The Weather

It's freezing. They said the weather would be the same as it is in Toronto, except that there is no snow. OK, so I figure I dress pretty much the same way. WRONG. The temperature is only one variable. How about the variable that everyone in Canada has heating full-blast all the time, whereas here, everybody just walks around indoors in their coats all day long!!! I'm exaggerating only a tad. I try to snuggle up in bed, and all of a sudden I realize that Chinese people tend to be shorter than others. Well, maybe you knew that, but did you know that therefore their beds are shorter, too? Yup, my feet were hanging off the edge.

The Food

Chinese food is my least favorite food of all (that's a phrase euphemism). Ok, so why the heck would I go to China? You know... I don't live a life out of convenience -- I live a life where I'm drawn by the universe to fulfill my destiny. And China is certainly in the cards. Now, I grew up eating with my hands (being Muslim) and so normal utensils are a challenge for me. When I do go to the odd Chinese restaurant in Toronto, I always ask for utensils since chop-sticks are even more difficult.

As you can imagine, many places here don't even have utensils in stock. Necessity is the mother of invention, so I had to get creative. And by golly, I'm using chop-sticks now. Of course, I'm slobbering and drooling all over the place, but I just call that good cultural integration. :)

By the way, I'm not sure if the translation is right, but apparently I ate fish sperm. It was pretty yucky, but at least now I can tell women that I know what it's like to swallow. ;)

The Night Life

My hosts are so gracious. They know I like to party, so they take me out to the local dance club. Being single, I love flirting and hitting on women. It's already a challenge when you can't see well, but when nobody else speaks English, all you've got left is tactile communication. And wow, did I dance up a storm!

One woman is singing English songs on the bar, so I get up on the bar and start dancing with her. Jimmy encourages me to make some moves, and how can I not honor a request by my host? So we start dancing and singing together in the spotlight in front of the whole club. Most of you know that I'm not a good singer, but when you're tipsy and know that nobody else understands English, you just go for it.

I tried to make conversation, but she didn't speak English!! How can you be such a beautiful singer of English songs and not speak English? Thankfully, Jimmy was there to do the translating for me. It's funny flirting with a woman through a translator. I can't say much more, because she offered me her e-mail and is probably reading this right now!

The success I'm most proud of is the huge difference I've made in my social life. When I was sixteen, I had never danced, and never even knew what dancing was. Now I've practiced dancing, but it is very difficult to move on the dance floor when you can't see obstacles or people who may be in your path. Furthermore, I got to concentrate on how to maneuver around my partner without stepping on her toes or touching her in the wrong places by mistake! Well, I went from all that to being called the "best dancer in the house" and being offered contact info by several woman who don't even speak English. Wow. :)

The Press Conference

Now it's the morning after and I'm getting ready for the press conference to introduce my book. We got all 7 major newspapers attending, as well as some radio stations. My agents here are doing a great job. They even got a 3-page testimonial for my book from the CEO of the largest television station here! (The testimonial is in Chinese, so I'm not sure what it says, though I'm sure it's great.) I have a 20-30 minute speech to deliver, which I haven't thought much about. I figured I'd wait and see who my audience was and decide what I wanted to share in the moment, as I was with everyone. Writing this little blog has put me into the right state of mind.

So that's what has been going on for me just the last two days. I've already written a lot, so maybe I'll head off and write more in the next issue.

With Love from China,

[)anish /|hmed
have fun creating your life

---

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